1. DO: ACCEPT THAT YOU TWO ARE
DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Unless you’re in love
with a mirror image of yourself (and the last guy who was turned into a flower),
your partner is obviously going to be different from you. In some cases, you
might be polar opposites; in other cases you might disagree about the small
stuff, like how often the trash needs to get taken out. Neither situation means
the relationship won’t work out. In fact, as blogger Kayla Albert suggests, those partnerships are often
great learning experiences and chances to do things we never otherwise would
have. Come to terms with the fact that your partner isn’t you and instead try
seeing what his perspective and behaviors can teach you about yours.
2. DO: PRIORITIZE ALONE TIME.
When you’re single, you
have all the time in the world to sit on the couch in sweatpants and hold solo
viewings of The Bachelor. Once you enter a relationship, it may
seem like those days are gone for good. But, if there’s one thing relationship experts are sure about, it’s
that alone time is crucial to the success of any relationship. That means being
honest about your need to spend an afternoon on your own — shopping, sitting in
a café, or re-reading Fifty Shades of Grey — and understanding when your parnter wants to sit on the couch
watching T.V. all afternoon instead of meeting up with you and your friends.
Also keep in mind that people vary in terms of how much alone time they need,
so don’t automatically be insulted if your partner seems to require more than
you do.
3. DO: CHOOSE YOUR BATTLES.
He or she left clothes on
the couch, was rude to your friend, and left the kitchen looking like a tornado
went through it. While it can be tempting to lash out and berate your partner
for these mistakes, it’s worth taking a deep breath and considering whether
each transgression is really worth an outburst. When you argue over everything
that pisses you off, your significant other eventually starts to tune you out,
meaning he or she may not be receptive when something serious is bothering you.
The next time you feel inclined to pick a fight, stop and think about whether
you’re really angry about this particular situation or about something bigger,
like the fear that the other person is going to leave you. Also imagine how
you’d want your partner to act if you’d made the very same mistake.
4. DON’T: EXPECT HIM OR HER TO
READ YOUR MIND.
Um, hello? Obviously the
reason I’m upset is because I just remembered that time two years ago when you
told me my dress was too tight. While a clairvoyant partner would be (sort of)
cool, chances are you aren’t dating one. Instead of assuming your man can
easily figure out why you’re sad or frustrated, try being straightforward and
just telling him. Maybe you’re afraid that your honesty will hurt him or turn
him off. But, according to Psychology Today editor Hana Estroff Marano, if
you always keep your thoughts and feelings to yourself, you’ll end up
disappointed and angry that your needs aren’t being satisfied.
5. DO: TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.
Because you’re worth it.
Seriously — I’m not even trying to sell you makeup here. One huge (and common)
relationship mistake is relying on our partner to make us feel loved and
desirable, when in fact those feelings should come from within. After
interviewing couples across the U.S. about what makes their relationships
successful, Melissa Joy Kong realized that it’s mostly about “coming into a relationship already whole.” In other words, if
you don’t love yourself, there’s no way you can truly find and accept love from
someone else.
6. DON’T: KEEP SCORE.
Even the mathematically
challenged are often guilty of this relationship no-no. You slept over at her
place last week, so it’s her turn to come to yours tonight. He spent
Thanksgiving with your family, so you absolutely have to join his crew for
Christmas. But keeping a running tally of everything you “owe” each other can
drive both of you crazy, says blogger and happiness expert Gretchen Rubin. Instead try
making each other happy not because you should, but because you want to. Maybe
you just feel like paying for dinner tonight, even though you technically
footed the last bill. Do it. Chances are you’ll both be more satisfied in the
long run.
7. DON’T: COMPARE HIM TO YOUR
EX.
We all know it’s wrong,
but we all do it anyway. No matter how badly your last relationship ended or
how much you love your current partner, that little voice is bound to pop up
now and again: “[Insert your ex’s name here] would never have
done that.” While it’s unrealistic to think you can just erase all memory of
your romantic past, it’s also pretty unhealthy to keep comparing the present to
the past. The next time you catch yourself wondering whether your old flame
would have developed a more comprehensive life plan or looked better in
that shirt, recognize that
you’re idealizing your ex and your time together. Obviously
something was wrong with him or with the relationship — otherwise it wouldn’t
have ended. Keeping these ideas in mind will help you move past the tendency to
compare and contrast whenever it appears.
8. DO: LAUGH.
We are totally serious
about this silly tip. Laughter is an easy way to form a bond between two
people, and science suggests
it’s especially important in romantic relationships. That’s because
a good giggle fit can alleviate anger and anxiety and help you two remember why
you like or love each other. So the next time he mistakes your expensive eye
cream for body lotion, allow yourself to be angry for a minute, then laugh it
off together. Instead of screaming and fighting, you may end up screaming for,
um, a different reason…
9. DON’T: BE IN A RELATIONSHIP
FOR THE SAKE OF BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP.
This relationship mistake
is one of the very hardest to admit: Sometimes we stay with someone just
because we’re afraid of not being with anyone. If you have an inkling that you
might be unhappy in your current relationship, but you’re also scared to leave,
think about what’s holding you back from breaking it off. If it’s the fear of being lonely, that’s a totally legitimate emotion —
but not a good reason to stay. Consider speaking with a close friend or family
member, or even a therapist, to figure out what’s frightening about being
alone. And then do what you know you need to do.
Courtesy to bustle.com