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A man that says “I’m just so busy”
Ladies, it’s true, we appreciate a hard working man. I mean it’s a great feeling to see a man going hard to further his education, putting in work in his career, and jumping at great opportunities that present themselves. All of that is wonderful, but a man that starts out with an excuse as to why his communication isn’t great is the worst. A good woman isn’t needy, but she does need to know that you care enough about her to make time for her. This doesn’t mean holding extra long conversations throughout your busy workday or checking in every 5 minutes. This means making sure she knows that she’s in your thoughts and that you care. A simple good morning call or text before work, even if you have to just leave a voicemail. A random message during the day to let her know she crossed your mind, seeing how her day was once you get settled in. The point here is, when a man is truly into you he will do what it takes to help maintain the relationship, he will be eager to communicate when he can. You won’t always have to make requests to see him because he will look forward to spending time with you when he’s free. NEVER accept “I’m too busy, I’m just so busy” because we make time for whom and what we want to make time for, and a man surely makes times for a woman of interest. That just comes naturally. You deserve someone who is excited about your existence and eager to spend time with you when he can, especially in the early stages of a relationship where getting to know each other better is crucial. Don’t settle.
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A man that is all about putting on a show
It’s nice to have nice things that you’ve worked hard for. We all appreciate the finer things in life in one way or another whether it be a dream home or car, a super nice electronic gadget, a dream pair of stilettos, or a nice handbag. The problem comes in when a person is more concerned with what others think of what they have and do rather than actually appreciating their blessings. Some men are more concerned about what other people will think about the special lady in their life than actually looking for a woman with sustenance, someone who is going to be there for him through it all. Watch out for this! Is he showy about his life? Is he always going on and on about what he has or the type of job/career he’s in? There is a difference between being thankful and happy and being conceited and excessively boastful. You deserve someone who is humble, who understands that material things can be lost in the blink of an eye; someone who appreciates the most important things in life, and that loves you for who you are not how other people will accept you two together. You deserve a strong man whose ego isn’t built on dollar signs, someone who values those strings that hold a great relationship together like prayer, showing genuine appreciation, and real love. Social media has taken over because honestly you can be whoever you choose on the internet, but be with someone who shares positivity, encouragement, and someone who is proud of his family. Those things show where his heart is. A good woman wants to be in his heart not on his payroll. Don’t settle for being another one of his show pieces; a man like that is immature and won’t ever truly be happy and commit to a good woman.
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A man that is verbally/physically abusive
It is said that if you’ve never been in an abusive relationship you can’t and don’t understand. That may be very accurate, but there are a few things that I feel every woman needs to know. Naturally we oppose anything that makes us feel bad, even constructive criticism can sting a little. The one thing that gives you fuel to stay in a relationship that is hurtful in any way is low self esteem. When you don’t value yourself and already have a very low sense of esteem about your life and body it becomes easier to accept crumbs from others. In a way you cling to them for acceptance, attention, and love; so when they give you bits and pieces of that the times when they don’t are easier to accept. It is easy to see from this that it starts with yourself first. You have to know your worth and if you genuinely feel you’re not worth much, you need to work towards being a better woman and learn to love yourself. Without that, you aren’t in any position to be in a relationship with someone to begin with. Things happen; you could fall deeply in love with a man that has never displayed any signs of being abusive. It may start out with his language and the way he addresses you. You have a choice to accept it or walk away at the first sign of abuse. No woman deserves to be abused verbally or physically by a man. Do not let him speak to you disrespectfully. Do not let him degrade you. Do not let him threaten you. Do not stick around and let him hurt you in any way. A loving and healthy relationship does not consist of abuse of any kind. If it is abusive it is NOT love.
Remember ladies, what you accept is a direct reflection of how you feel about yourself. If you’ve been accepting less out of people and relationships step back and take a good look at yourself. It may be a red-flag for you to work on loving yourself a little more and truly knowing your worth. Don’t ever let anyone make you feel bad for the high standards you set for yourself and expect from others. Some people will try you until you stand up for yourself, others don’t even respect themselves and need someone to give them a reality check. We can’t raise men, but we do have a say in the type of man we will have in our lives. So be extra careful with who you accept in yours.
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#1 Intelligent
Now, we’re not talking about the next Einstein level of genius (but if he is, you might be in luck!). Having someone who is intelligent make them more likely to be understandable, considerate, according to a few random studies online they are less likely to be unfaithful and nothing is more attractive than someone who has a brain and uses it.
#2 Hard-working
A guy that works hard is someone that will always care about the future with you; he will be a great provider in the long run if you choose to have a family with him later on. Unless his main goal in life is to get ahead of everybody, his work-ethic should be a sign of a man you can trust with your future.
#3 Sense of Humor
People without an ability to laugh off stressful situations often resort to other ways to deal with stress and believe us, you may not like those other ways. Plus, who wants to hang out with a guy that never makes you laugh? They say laughter is a great medicine; you’re going to need that in a relationship.
#4 Goal-Oriented
Granted, not everyone is going to have a map planned out for every day of their life but your guy should have some goals. What does he want to do when he finishes school, if he hasn’t yet? Does he plan on starting his own business? Does he want to get married one day? (If marriage isn’t the focus, I see why get into a relationship that’s not going anywhere) What does he want to be doing in five years? These are all things he should be thinking about
#5 Good with Family
They say that the way a guy treats his mother is the way that he will treat you. This isn’t always true, especially if his mother is hard to get along with, but it does hold weight in serious relationships. A man who’s about family can tell you a little bit about what type of man he will be if you guys have a family. Love doesn’t isolate, never let him take you away from your family.
#6 Has Quality Friends
Pay attention to the way he treats his friends. You should also try to notice the sort of people he spends his time with. Hang with dogs, you will get fleas. Keep that quote in mind.
#7 Honest
There are few things as important to a relationship as finding an honest person. Honesty is a key in building trust and open lines of communication. To be honest, without honesty you can’t have a relationship the trust will fade away.
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1. Change your thoughts.
If you are thinking negative thoughts, just stop. Intentionally focus on the positive things happening in your life. "Let's say you're turning into a victim. Like 'Poor me. Everybody's against me. Nobody at work appreciates me. I'm never going to get my raise.' You are working yourself up in a negative frenzy," she says. 'You have to stop yourself and (think) 'No, I'm not going there.'" Think of it this way: Modern conveniences alone have elevated your quality of life immeasurably compared with the billions of people who have lived and died on this planet over the course of history. You have countless things for which to be grateful.
2. Take care of your body.
Exercise, for one thing. It gets endorphins - which act like morphine in the body--flowing to trigger positive feelings. Eat fruits, vegetables and other healthy foods. Avoid sugar and diet soda. Limit alcohol and caffeine consumption.
3. Improve your mood.
Listen to good music. Seek out a good laugh. Have sex when you get the opportunity. Or, engage in what Orloff calls a "three-minute positive energy meditation." It involves shutting the door to distractions, relaxing and focusing on a beautiful power image such as a sunset or waterfall. "You just take three minutes to shift and visualize something very positive," she says.
4. Treat others well.
Don't gossip. Look at how you can serve others, help your coworkers and add something positive to your environment. Orloff also suggests "surrendering comparisons," which involves ceasing to want what other people have. "Rather, focus on what you do have and if you admire somebody then learn from them," she says. "Envy and jealousy...create negative energy."
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